Stop Trying to Control Everything
The surprising shift that makes real change possible.
We’ve all been told to control ourselves. Control your temper. Control your cravings. Control your time. But here’s the paradox: control almost always fails. The harder we clamp down, the more some part of us rebels.
Control has the flavor of domination—trying to override, suppress, or force parts of ourselves into compliance. It’s rigid, externalized, and rooted in fear: “If I don’t control this, everything will fall apart.” But force breeds resistance.
So what if we stopped chasing control—and instead cultivated command?
Here’s the distinction as I see it:
Control = force, suppression, domination.
Command = alignment, integration, leadership.
Think of it this way:
Control says, “Sit down, shut up, and do as I say.”
Command says, “Here’s where we’re going. Let’s work together to get there.”
It’s the difference between a drill sergeant barking orders and a wise captain leading a crew. One rules through fear; the other inspires cooperation.
Self-command is about getting all parts of yourself on board with the changes you want to make. Instead of trying to strangle an impulse into silence, you invite it into the conversation: “Okay, tired part, I hear you. Ambitious part, I hear you too. What’s a rhythm that respects both?”
This shift matters because control burns willpower. It eventually collapses under the weight of rebellion. Command, on the other hand, builds trust. Each time you align your inner voices instead of suppressing them, you strengthen your capacity to lead yourself.
So here’s the reflection I’ll leave you with:
Where in your life are you trying to control?
How might stepping into command serve you better? ✨
P.S. Many of us are taught control is the only way, but command opens up a different path. That’s what I help my clients explore: how to shift from forcing to leading yourself with clarity and trust. If you’d like to experience what that feels like, you can book a free Dopamine Discovery Session here.